stephanie wouldn't talk to me because she was writing a blog so i thought i'd write one in the meantime. so. what's new...not a lot...school's really boring, works ok, life's average. on the whole things are good i suppose. but i feel like i always have in yakima, there's this wierd spirit about the town; like an obstacle in the way of progress in people's lives. it's so wierd. my parents have lived here for over a decade now, and they've had to bust their asses just to keep our family operating and a roof over our heads. most people i know hate their jobs, the others i know don't have jobs, or just go to school. maybe i'm looking at things the wrong way, maybe i just need to move, i don't know what it is. i'm rambling. hmm.
one of my best friends grandmas died a few days ago. it broke my heart. it hurt her and her family so much. i prayed for God to heal her, to full health. (i'd like to think) i had more faith than a mustard seed when i prayed, and it didn't move any mountain. she died the next night. however i also prayed she wouldn't have to suffer, so perhaps it's a good thing that she didn't spend years in pain, i don't know. i prayed that no matter the outcome, God would use the outcome to His glory. i don't know what that looks like, but i still believe He will. death has been something i've given a lot of thought about. a LOT. it used to scare me. every once in a while the idea of my existing eternally would hit me as i was trying to fall asleep and have never been more deeply disturbed. i have also never feared God more. but then i realized that was a bit silly, because He's on my side. death is not the end. if death means the end of life, then death does not exist. death is merely the end of life on this earth. that's a bit comforting, at least to me. this place was not what is/was intended for us. originally we walked with Him in the Garden. we screwed it up. thank God for Jesus (ha...seriously though.) but at the same time, i don't have room to talk. no immediate family or friend of mine has died. the closest being more of an acquaintance. granted, i was deeply disturbed by that, i still didn't and haven't lost anyone dear to me. i'm so grateful for that, but at the same time i feel like i have nothing to offer someone who's grieving, because in all honesty i don't know what it's like to lose someone. it's hard. it's also late. so i'm going to bed. sorry if this is depressing, but it's on my mind.
i'll close with a joke i was told a bit ago:
q: what makes music on your head?
a: a headband
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